Log in

No account? Create an account
Mr. Bojangles: "And The Incredibly Small One Eyed Monster" [entries|friends|calendar]
Harry Niblets Esquire

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Doogie Howser M.D's Friend: On the road again [03 Aug 2005|12:30am]
Can life get any worse? I lost 4 Oxen in the river, grandmother has come down with hayfever, one of my wheels broke and I had to fix it, and finally to top it all off I can't seem to find any bison.
2 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Perfect Strangers: Standin' Tall on the Wings of My Dreams [06 Dec 2004|01:50am]
[ mood | rock hard ]

As I wake up, I follow the swift winds that breeze through my nostril hairs.
I levatate from my bed in a half awake state.
The smell is not the odor of morning breakfast,
But of something more pungent
As I am sucked to the smell of nutsack mixed with raw underarm
I realize the unhibited beauty in front of me
She is the goddess of all my fantasies and dreams
As I reach over to unbuckle her pants from her breastline
She says to me, "Where did this white fluid come from on your sheets?"
And as I look down, my mind bends to blackness.
And I am awoken with my mother repeating the question once more....
"Where did this white fluid come from on your sheets"
And as I lay there, staring with the barrest of blank looks,
I realize it was all just a dream, none of it existed
Not the smell, not the girl, not the pants
And thusly I am left with a missing jigsaw piece in my life...............

I think I need some Anelia Shaheed Indian BOOTY!! AW YEAH!
10 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Ray Ray's Got Genital Hemroids: Pass It On [05 Dec 2004|12:58am]
[ mood | distressed ]

Well I don't know about you guys and gals but I'm an avid reader of Family Circus. When that comic hits the pavement, it goes straight to the bathroom reading top 3. When I'm dumping a shitload of dookie on the crapper I don't want to read any Jerry Seinfeld who ha, I want to read a outstanding Christian satirical comic that's why i read The Family Circus. But of late, more accordingly, the last time I was creating my own islands of adventure in the toilet the comic made me awestruck. It not only raped my Christian fundamentals, but it made wonder if A-rabs or terrorists were behind this travesty. In effect, I think we should bomb more places holding refuge to terrorists. This way in the aftermath of the bombs, the survivors of these third world countries can be converted into Christianity. Then the terrorism on this good clean Family Circus will cease because the newfound Christians will finally be able to understand the comic. Women will be able to laugh at this comic in public, instead of being tortured and raped for reading it in private.
2 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

You Got Beef? freestyle #1 [02 Dec 2004|08:27pm]
[ mood | nothing can hurt me, bitch ]

Aiiiiiiiiiiiight check it, yo here is dem rules. You's get about 14.65 bars to represent yo shit. Since I am the hardest, thuggish ruggish bone I shall rip it up first. I'll choose the mother fucking beat and all that good stuff. And today's mother fucking beat(s) is........Will Smith's "Parent's just don't understand" or "Willenium." After I write my freestyle you write yours. Yo, just jack that shit up in yo headphones and start rippin' your lyrics on tha keyboard. To make it realistic, flip in between each song every couple seconds to pretend like there's a real DJ. Freestyle winner will be given a thumbs up........

yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, check this shit, yo, al g about to rip this shit up, ugh uh uh,
yo, yo, mic checka, 1, 2, 1, 2, yo, yo, bucklin' shoes one day at a time
yo even though i ain't gots my white shoes no more
i ain't sore cause i still gots my white t-shirts galore
they make me soar like a boar on the floor on tour then go to war
yeah fuckin iraq and a-rabs
shootin blanks like gay-rabs
this is al g and as you can see
i type faster then someone slower than me
you try to battle me, and i'll forward click kick your ass
and delete your entry
so that no one can see how bad you dissed me
your an oximoron and i'm a hyperbole
i ride bikes with pegs fool
and when you hear that rattling that's my cards in spokes
i'm like a fucking bolt of lighting because i'm white
i write my lyrics 2 hours ahead time
then go home memorize and recite
then i come back on the attack
until you come up with a new rhyme
and verbally beat my ass
i'm like paul tagliebua singing bugaboo
fucking crazy, that's what that is
i wear biker shorts to show i'm a man
and when i battle you i call you a gaylord
cause when you say fuck you
i have no other response except you're gay bro
and you suck on the keyboard
you've just been ripped the fuck up by Albino Gorilla
'04 about to be '05
you better watch your ass when you take shits....
cause of frogs and stuff, they jump
just like me when i get froggie

6 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Dukes Of Hazard: You Better Be Ready When the Hulkster Runs Wild On You. [09 Jul 2004|03:18am]
[ mood | determined ]

Yeah fuck that whole trunk business! I'm gonna make a name for myself in this world, I'm motherfucking Li'l G. If I want to really be a Biker Boy then I have to bust people's shit up, like how Judge Joe Brown does it. That's why I'm gonna start carrying around double uzi's. Besides making me look tough, I know that when a little kid acts up and shit, I just have to pop a few in his feet. Sort of making him dance, without the dancing part. BIA BIA!! Represent Yo Shit! First step to getting needed funds is to rob old folks, pistol whip them, then cap a G in their ass. I don't hang with bad asses cause I can, I hang with bad asses cause I am one. Aw yeah, if you think you can hang with the Biker Boyz, then represent yo shit in the message board.
Things I need to know when if you respond:
-Biker Name
-Weapon of Choice
-And also I need to know if you dance to Kenny Loggins "footloose" alone

Li'l G
11 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Erectified AntagonistI laughed so hard I practically queefed out a dead baby [07 Jul 2004|03:13am]
[ mood | hungry ]

"Albino's back, Albino's back, Welcome back....."(Insert the instrumental to Mase is back in your head while reading that). So I guess it's that time again, when I update this crazy little journal. I know all you Albino Gorilla lovers out there love reading this shit, it's like reading Richard Scary stories in the cellar. Or maybe it's like imagining Richard Hamilton in cootchie cutters with flames spray painted on his face guard, either way you end up with stains in your trousers. This job searching thing is tough, especially when you don't leave the house and haven't searched yet. I think i'm more of a renaissance man myself. Now if I had a car, (fuck you deer), then i would be able to sell shit out of my trunk. Just yesterday, I added a new product to my ever growing list, jizz glue. You know what i'm talking about, but you just haven't harnessed the energy of it like i have. Don't you hate it when you jerk off in the shower and jizz goes all over your legs, ladies you know what i'm saying. You'll get out of the shower and you're like, alright i'm all ready to fly a kite! Then as you're flying that bad ass stunt kite with the green ranger on it, you feel a strong tear in your leg hair and other parts of your legs. You look down and BOOM! (not tough actin' Tinactin), but fucking dried up jizz. It's worse then sticking gum to your leg hair, and i'm 100% sure that the sperm-filled white stuff could hold longer than super glue. So why guess if it's stronger, I tested to see. So I got wood, pounded as hard as i could, and uhhhh god.....the wooden dog house for my cat turned out superb and held up longer then a prepubescent boy with Lavetra. After seeing the awesome power of this magical jizz, I decided to bottle it up and make jizz glue! Good for anything that needs a strong hold, and perfect for those ladies out there looking to have skinny albino kids.
Speaking about kids though, some kids need a fucking beat down from someone or their parents, please. God damn, kids these days think they're so god damn untouchable. Now i'm not saying use child abuse, (or am i?!?! hmmmm?), but i think parents should get at least one sneaky ass punch when their kids act like bitches. They could be like to their 2-5 year old, "hey look ice cream, don't you feel better?" , then the kid looks and BAM! fucking punch to the back of the head. Stupid ass kid, if they didn't learn their lesson then at least it will teach them that there's no ice cream truck, retard! It will make your kid smarter, cause then they'll at least listen next time for the ice cream truck music, instead of looking around for his or her dad like a bastard of a child. A punch to the back of the head is the best form of discipline, cause then the child bleeds internally of course, instead of externally.
Boy oh boy siblings in hollywood make my eye twitch.
Ashlee Simpson- Why is she so popular? She's like Aaron Carter with longer hair. Her bands sucks also, WHOA, she mixes a crazy pop punk background to her vocals!!!! That's like insane, if not amazing! That shit was done by Avril Lavigne like last year, and everybody knows with her sassiness and perky tits that she's the queen of punk rock music and anything hardcore. I mean she wears wife beaters, i rest my case. But Ashlee Simpson? Just because her sister has a speckle of singing voice doesn't mean that she's going to inherit the singing genes also. She's supposed to be the sister that gets fired from the Dollar Tree because she thinks she has dreams, then she eventually OD's. Well 1 of 2, she can still OD.
Jamie Spears Her sister Britney is only popular because she's slutty and retarded. But they couldn't just settle for one Spears they had to have two. And her little sister is on All That, what the fuck?!? When I want raw, real, and rugged comedy I always ALWAYS turn to All That then ComicView. Who decided that little Spears was funny? Her sister isn't funny, she's not funny. She can't do anything, why is she on TV? Why are these executive people trying to change these girls destinies? Everybody knows, Jamie Spears is supposed to try to mooch off her sister's wealth to feed her ever growing drug habit. Then when everybody demands Britney Spears porn, Britney turns it down and what's the next best thing her semi look alike sister! And Jamie doesn't turn it down, because she's broke as shit by then, and she needs the job for more heroine. And she can't get any more money off Britney because everybody stops buying into her bullshit.

Siblings never work in Hollywood, just look at Patrick Swayze's brother, Don Swayze. All he wanted to do was become an actor, but the one thing he forgot was not his resume but talent.

I'm out like Michael J. Fox in freeze tag,
3 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Tastee Cakes:Butterscotch Krumpets make my pubes curl [03 Jun 2004|04:57pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I finally got to some serious thinking as of late, around the same time I was building the ultimate Battle Bot. So I says to myself, I says, "hey you, you know what would be great to see?" And I gently murmured, "what's that friend?" Then they replied, "It would be awesome if we went to a retirement home and everyone's door was open, and as you walk by each room, every old person is lying there on their bed with Duck Hunt guns in their hands. And then you see every old person lying there aiming their guns at the tv screens hanging down from the ceilings." That would be almost as great as seeing a guy stick his dick on a girls face who is trying to suntan and leaving it there. (see the reason that would be so great, is because then if the girl gets all sunburn then it would look like she has a penis on her face. Henceforth making it seem as if she got slapped with 2 and 1/2 inches of limp dick.)
Just a thing of curiosity but does anyone know how i come up with my journal entries? Alright i'll tell you my secret. Well if you remember those create-a-story things, back in like elementary school, where it gave you like 10 vocab words and you had to create a short story out of it. That's basically my journal aka most secretive diary EVER. See for this entry, DUCK HUNT, BUTTERSCOTCH KRUMPETS, BATTLE BOTS, TASTEE CAKES, and LIMP DICK were the words that popped into my head. I wrote them down, kept it secretive, and BAZING new journal entry! Simple as that, well I don't want to steal all my fun, so I'll give you fellow journal amigos some words and a chance at a great journal entry!


*And just remembert one thing while doing this, MASE IS BACK MOTHER FUCKER! HARLEM WORLD!

5 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

The Crazy Misadventures of the Man/Boy Love Association:Quit it Wayne! [28 May 2004|11:38am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Hey gang, it's your friendly apathetic Gorilla!
People these days. I must say what's wrong with making fun of death? Is it so wrong to eat pizza and laugh at someone getting nailed to a cross while having a erection? Sure it's a little messed up (to not have a little adopted Liechtenstein child give you a hand job while watching this) but unless you're an atheist, isn't it your belief that you go on to a better place. You should be happy for the person. I mean if i died I would expect you to be like, "damn didn't see that one coming," then start making jokes about it.
Scenarios for laughter in my deaths:
- Suicide: First you go, "damn, who knew he led such a troubled life," then you go god damn that kid was a fucking pussy, suicide what a pussy way to go out. let's go buy a strap-on and fuck the shit out his dead corpse.
- Heart Attack: Ok, "damn, he was pretty skinny, i guess i should watch what i eat," then you say, I always knew he couldn't get enough of that Golden Crisp, eh bear? EH? Oh yeah by the way bear, since you're here go grab a strap-on, we're gonna fuck the shit out of him
- Heroine: Ok good one, this was a trick death by me. Heroine doesn't kill, remember that kids.
- Having anal sex: Oh boy now his asshole is big enough for everyone! Go get the strap-on's we're gonna fuck the shit out of him (literally).
- AIDS: That's a good one to laugh at, cause even Magic Johnson out lasted me. Then you go, good thing we got these strap-on's so we won't contract anything. LET'S FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!
- Plane, Car, or any other type of deadly accident: You, "I'm never getting on whatever he got on. We should sue the shit out of that thing, his body was never found. Now how are we supposed to fuck the shit out of him with our new polished strap-on's?"
- Overdosing: That kid loved his drugs! Hey fellas, I got an idea, how bout we dig up his body put sunglasses on him carry him around the high school he went to. Then after everyone thinks he's alive, we hand out free strap-on's and everyone gets the chance to fuck the shit out of him!

See although it may not look like it, I look at death in a positive way! If you're going to be sad about it, then look at it from all angles. I see it as, I kill thousands per day when I masturbate in the tapioca. I'm talking about mother fucking sperm from my testes, my balls, my scrotum one might say. Sure I cry when I masturbate, but me killing sperm is not the reason. So why are people sad when they kill a baby in an abortion, that's just one of the many thousand, don't be a fucking bigot. Come on now, you know the consequences of sex, that's why i chopped off penis a looooooooong time ago and now i take estrogen for the remaining stub that's there. And of course you're going to have those people who are like, "your such a heartless bastard," well i say to them, "unless your trying to start a family why are you having unsafe sex?" And if you're going to have sex everybody knows, you have to first stick a q-tip in your urethra, next lube that shit up with spermicide, place the small extra thick condom on the entire penis, next lube the condom up with pesticides. Afterwards, you have to gently spray the vagina with raid until redness occurs, shove a ziploc bag up the vaginal creveses (everyone knows ziploc holds even the most messiest of fluids), finally lube that bag up with spermicide and WA LA! SAFE SEX, NO DEAD BABY ABORTIONS! If you didn't follow these simple steps, then people should laugh at you, because this is pound for pound the easiest method of safe sex.
The only thing funnier is fat people eating cigerettes because they think that they're eating candy. And sorry I'm off topic here, but does anyone think fat girls with big stomachs stand in front of the mirror topless and make their stomach into two rolls to look like a mouth and with the nipples being eyes make it look like it's talking?

Well you think about life, cause I'm droppin' out like a dead ??? abortion. Smell you losers later, i'm gonna go dump a shitload of dookie.

3 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Hoorah!"I have a double date tonight..one with my left hand and another with my right" [29 Feb 2004|04:15pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

(Now with my new found free time away from cooties, I have stepped back into the real world, to defend against stupidity! I feel it is my job to bring an end to seriousness).....

Chumbawumba Luva (5:21:04 PM): I'm not a real big fan of clam chowder.
ILikeLittleBoysNotForTheConversationButForTheHotSex (5:22:05 PM): What the fuck, heat kick ass!
Chumbawumba Luva (5:23:06 PM): I'm just saying, how do you convince a girl not to give you STD's?
ILikeLittleBoysNotForTheConversationButForTheHotSex (5:24:07 PM): Well you see the penis is an intricate tool, only used to plug up pipes.
Chumbawumba Luva (5:25:08 PM): OH now i see, it's just that I thought Mugsy Bouges had three testicles.
ILikeLittleBoysNotForTheConversationButForTheHotSex (5:26:09 PM): What the fuck?
Chumbawumba Luva (5:27:10 PM): Gheorghe Muresan is mighty tall my friend!
ILikeLittleBoysNotForTheConversationButForTheHotSex (5:28:11 PM): Speedos are for adults too!
Chumbawumba Luva (5:29:12 PM): Well that explains why judaism is also a culture besides a religion.
ILikeLittleBoysNotForTheConversationButForTheHotSex (5:30:13 PM): I always thought you had nice hands.
Chumbawumba Luva (5:31:14 PM): That explains why I'm always lonely!
ILikeLittleBoysNotForTheConversationButForTheHotSex (5:31:15 PM): I suppose, but what about Hanson?
Chumbawumba Luva (5:32:16 PM): I don't know sometimes I get knocked down, but I get up again.
ILikeLittleBoysNotForTheConversationButForTheHotSex (5:34:17 PM): AW YEAH MAN FLAVOR!!
Chumbawumba Luva (5:35:18 PM): Alright so you want to uh cyber or something?
ILikeLittleBoysNotForTheConversationButForTheHotSex (5:36:19 PM): It's about time, hopefully you're under 10 and a boy!
Chumbawumba Luva (5:37:20 PM): Whatever you want, might I add I give mighty fine sonar blowjobs!

(note to self if you actually read this AIM conversation looking for a point your a stupid fucking moron, it's alright don't cry)

This little tidbit is me getting my anger released, these have to be the stupidest livejournal entries ever, does anybody ever read the shit that people talk about, they're nonsense nothing gets accomplished in those entries except how much stupidity can be tossed back and forth. I've been cool about them for a while I was taking my break away from updating, but it's reached a point where something must be done. During my relationship I felt as if I was losing my ability to be humorous, but now I'm going to harness all the energy from ZORDON to form the greatest MEGAZORD EVER BITCH! IT'S FUCKING MORPHIN' TIME!!!

4 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Love Is Just A Feeling Between The Penis and The BrainThank You, You Changed My Life [03 Jan 2004|02:14am]
Everytime time I think about her, I thank God for letting me have the chance to see her. I never knew life had so much in store for me until I met her. She is the one that completes an inner feeling inside of me that I can only express on this journal. And it hurts me to express myself like this when I could've just said it to your face. I hate to say it, but I have to admit I think you're my one and only, and I love that. And in all honesty, I really wish I could tell you this to your face. But my shyness exhumes my body into a tormented world of trapped emotions. But thank you black retarded girl i saw at Sawgrass Mills Mall, you have brought me a world of understanding. You are the first black person I've seen who is retarded. The One and Only. I never thought black people could be retarded, but now I realized some can. I thought only white people were like that. But to you little girl, you have helped break the color barrier in retardation. Now I realize there is a chance for other races in white only type of world. I can only hope there are more of you brave souls out there like the girl I saw. And I hope one day, you rare few will reproduce and help populate the world so others might enjoy the splendors of which I have experienced. I thank you very much once again, and hopefully, one day down the road we'll cross pathes again so I can truly tell you how I feel. MUCH LOVE!

This is Sentagrass Templetoes signing off,
3 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

SavagelyBigManBoobies@Homoeroticmail.com:B==> ;....( [22 Dec 2003|04:22pm]
[ mood | irate ]

Oh boy there's nothing that pisses me off more than malls during holidays! It pisses me off so much that as I walk by people in the mall I start to talk shit about them in my head. And GOD DAMN, there are so many average or ugly looking people when you walk through the mall. Who knows maybe I'm part of the crowd, but as I walk, I'm like, "ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, my grundel looks better than that person, fake thug with 12 year old girl, goth kid, ugly, ugly, mediocre, damn you looked messed up, ugly, ugly, fake thug, common looking person, SCOTT, ugly, ugly, and so on......." PHEW WEE! Luckily I saw Scott at the mall, he rejuvenated me with faith that maybe not everyone in the mall is ugly. That brought a smile to my face cause that Scotty is one helluva looker (plug to all the ladies out there). But as I kept walking through the mall, I got pissed off again. Because you're trying to leave the mall and as you're walking through it, you run into those big crowds of spanish speaking famillies with ninos and abuelas in front of you. I'll be walking behind them at a moderate pace but then all of a sudden I have to come to a halt because abuelo can't read the map, funny thing it's in english! As they block the whole pathway, all deciphering what the map says, I'm forced to move across the other side of the mall into oncoming pedestrians. And even better when you're walking behind a group and you go to pass them, they gradually sway in front of you again. DAMN IT CHOOSE A SIDE!!!! There won't even be a store or anything that they are swaying to, it will just be me. If only I had muscles, I would deck those people who just wander the mall and look like they are trying to catch butterflies. They just walk in front of your path like they're high on crack cocaine. But now I have to calm down. And the only way to do that is to poke around with my friend Dr. Heroine, then I'll be ready for everything else in life!

2 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Lieutenant Dan Finally Got Some Fresh New Legs!: Maybe two balls are better than one [17 Dec 2003|07:07am]
[ mood | touched ]

Yesterday, I made my biggest accomplishment yet. That's right, I peed out FIVE STREAMS, I felt like I was Quickdraw McGraw. Finally, all that hard work, binge drinking, and labor has payed off. Your probably saying to yourself, "Alright pal, what's the big idea? Tell us how you do it!" I'm sorry though, I can't. It would be bedlam if the secret was to leak out (no pun intended). You'd have people in public restrooms trying to show off, they'd start peeing, do it wrong, then the whole place would be like a burning building with golden shower sprinklers. I just can't give away the secret of the ooze. It's like the time my dad first taught me how to masterbate. After he taught me, he told me a very important quote, he said, "Son, with great power comes (cums) great responsibility." And that leads me to my main point, the people at the exact change toll boothes suck. So I was driving through one one day and when I was throwing my 75 cents one of my quarters was rejected and fell on the ground. There just happened to be someone standing at the exact change toll so you'd think, "Hey it's their job, they'll put it in for me." But no, after a 20 second staring battle with no one budging, I was forced to bow down to "The Man's" conformity and throw in another 25 cents. With that 25 cents I could've bought some soda pop and movie tickets for two! And when I was leaving, I looked at my rear view mirror and guess what that rat bastard was doing? I'll tell you, he was heading over to pick up my money. And you know what they're probably going to do with that money? Buy more alcohol and drink themselves stupid until they can't feel their legs anymore. So in conclusion, don't ever segregate or discriminate. Because no matter what Blow Pop flavor you have, you have to realize that either way they're all pink on the inside. And that warms my heart......(say from Charms).....wha.....(cut, cut, cut).
The incredible but edible,
Albino Gorilla
(p.s.- if you like reading upside down, the time makes that crazy phrase LOL!!!! AH HA HA yeah it's sad, but BOOBS wouldn't work)

2 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Corky the Retarded Kid and the Crazy Adventures In His So Called Life: My New Love. [03 Dec 2003|01:28pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

After a massive load of thinking with my left hand in college, I've gradually started to listen to people and what they have to say. Before, people would be like he's always quiet. They probably thought i was listening to them, but in all actuality i was just zoning out thinking about things like, "damn if i had facial hair it would probably make me look so much older and it would probably get me some ass from both genders!" College and this Thanksgiving break helped me realize how much people who think they know a lot about me, know nothing at all about me. For instance, I was hanging out with a gang of holligans one night and there just happened to be booze a flowing. When i went to go grab myself a cold one, one of my off-white friends stated in an exasperated cry, "hey what are you doing? you don't drink!" BITCH PLEASE, what gave them that idea, is it cause of the fact that i usually have to go somewhere the next day so i have to drive at night. I've been downing Jim Beam ever since my mom's injected it in her titty when I was younger (And by younger, I mean last year). Back to the quiet thing though, if you really know me then you know i'm talkative but not as quiet as a kid who just got raped and is being stared at by their stalker. And if you don't like my humor, tell me, don't be a bitchface and talk behind my back, that's almost as low as my dick to the ground. Just be like, "GOD DAMN, will you shut the fuck up, you're not funny!" Instead there are people with the name Michelle, and because those people have that name, they feel it's a must to have a hairier back then me and feel it's their obligation to tell people who i'm friendly with how fuck-ng annoying i am. Just because i cup my hands on your muscular breasts doesn't mean i'm serious, it's a joke or sexual harassment, either way it's supposed to be funny. And then you have those in college, who are always like, "no way, he'd never do that I know him." YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL, we only met like two months ago and now you're acting like you know my whole life and how many kids i have. You don't know, and i have three, each with a different baby momma. In college, they'll be like, "great now where are we going to put this dead body?" and i'm like, "alright guys, we have to cut the body into a bunch of different pieces and stick them in people's air vents." Then they'll say, "how do you know, you've probably never done this, so step off." and after they give each other a high five for that zing, they take an easy sigh of relief. And if you have a problem with me, then tell me, cause I DO NOT WANT TO BE THE ANNOYING KID WHO ALWAYS SHOWS UP. I'll be all like, "hey what's up fellas, you hear about those seagulls that fly over bays, they're baygulls get it gang? ....Do you get it?" If I am that kid, punch me in the face next time you see me. Well, that about sums up my mood as of now, phew glad i got that off my chest. I was holding that in like my penis stuck in a fat chicks rolls.
P.S.- You never get old of a fat chick, there's soooo many places.
And by the way get to know me before you start flapping your lips into the breeze. And like true dogs say it, "Talk is cheap motherfucker! (sound machine gun noises)" yeah that's right DMX STYLE (HE'S REAL!!!). Oh yeah and by the way, DTA, stone cold style.

1 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

ChodeMan: Duff Man Can't Breath Oh No! [27 Sep 2003|01:53am]
[ mood | autistic ]

Yeah Yeah what's up party people! Ah yeah, the college life. Man what a weird orientation i had, get this so i arrive and i had to walk into this dark room all by myself. Then all of a sudden this voice said, "hey, you hungry?" and then the next second i was sucking like 8 hot dogs by the 10th one i realized that they weren't hot dogs at all! They were penis'. Damn, I guess that's why some school's are always called gay. But i'm sorry to disappoint the emo kids, i'm straight because "I GOT THE MAGIC STICK" and i know there's naked fat women out there just waiting to be drawn and there's also old ladies who remind me of my grandmom, OMG I can't wait to see those liver spots and saggy breasts! MMMMMM MMMM MMMM..I'm getting so hard just thinking about it. (Whoa what the hell were you thinking? Did you think i was pitching a tent, god damn you're immature. I'm actually curling weights right now and i was talking about my muscles getting hard, you cheeky monkey!) But seriously though, you want to hear something funny? Yeah, cool with me. So like on my fifth day here I get in trouble with my resident director, oh boy. I got in trouble for breaking visitation rules and the QUIET HOURS rule. QUIET HOURS, damn that's ironic. I was blasting Bloodhound Gang on request on my roommates computer, i don't know why i got in trouble who doesn't like Bloodhound Gang? So yeah that sucks mad balls i have to go to a Student Handbook 101 Seminar, shiiiiit. DISTURBIN' THA PEACE, BITCH, THROW THEM BOWS!!! I mean college is cool and all, but c'mon like three times already i've got the whole "shermantor" comparison. Those rat bastards, i don't mind though cause i stabbed them in the eye with a pencil! Then I said, "oh snap you look like my bitch and i stuck my dick in there mouth." Yeah what's up? DX STYLE!!! Other than that, the bitches are comin' naturally to me, (i'll send pictures if asked), those ho's are a little tougher they're all skanky and shit. It's magnetism though they must be like, "Holy shit that kid is soooo pale and he's from Austrailia too, i don't understand, let's talk to him!"
if you want to talk to me, which i'm guessing you don't if your someone i know i understand.
oh yeah forgot ;-] WINK

8 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

That's Me: Adult Life [09 Sep 2003|05:46pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Hey Journal, it's me Doug
I feel like i'm finally becoming an adult. Today, I got the BK Big Kids meal. I realized that I have to grow up sometime, no more 3 piece chicken tenders for me, nothing's gonna stop me now. Well, gotta go Skeet's comin' over, I'm going to tell him all about how Patti grabbed my ass today!

1 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Bones: Should've Known I'd See You Here [09 Aug 2003|01:40am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I know it's unlike me, but you know who's ass I wanna beat?

That's right that son of a bitch Mikey Gonzalez from "Good Morning, Miss Bliss" (aka Saved by the Bell). Just look at that punk giving me that moody face, I just wanna beat his ass. He's always complaining to Zack about how no one is going to like him and what not. Well you know what, I don't like him! Ever since I saw him I knew he was in for a beatin'. And if you're out there Mikey, I challenge you to a rumble. You know where to find me, near the bike rack across from the playground, next to Belding's car. I'll be there waiting, and don't even bring Screech into this, I want you alone nancy boy!
2 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

The Good Ol' Days: Cursing [09 Aug 2003|01:06am]
You remember back in the days when you were like 6 and under and use to curse. Everytime I did that my dad would always wash my mouth out with soap. I don't know if it was for me cursing, I think he mainly used soap in my mouth to wash out his traces of DNA.
splurg your thoughts

Hans Bros'nhöes: American Ways [08 Aug 2003|01:20am]
Hi everyone, this is Hans. Tonight I tried to fulfill the American lifestyle. I went to the movies with my cousin, Yuroslev. We saw American Wedding, it was funny. Then we shouted at ladies walking by. We both laughed, it was fun. Immediately after, Yuroslev and I went to the sex shop. We both tried on the latest bondage and proceded to whip each other. Yuroslev was a whiny baby he was the first to yell, "leck mich am Arsch!" so I proceded to. Now I am home, typing. But I must leave soon, "Wings" is on soon. In Germany, Steven Weber is my idol.
1 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Moses Swims Naked: In the Making... [05 Aug 2003|11:40pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Sup Brohams, get this I just thought of the perfect guitar riff. It sounds something like this, da dada da dat da dada da dat da dat. You know what that is, that's right it's the song during Punch Out when a fight starts. It would be awesome on guitar!

2 people cry when masterbating| splurg your thoughts

Yuck Yuck's: Wildabeasts [04 Aug 2003|08:00pm]
So you hear about them wildabeasts....
They sure are wild a
splurg your thoughts

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]